petek, 22. februar 2013


Curiosity gets the Priest

A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar. The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off, the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.
The priest walks over to the bartender and asks, "Can you please tell me where your bathroom is?"
"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a statue of a naked woman in it and she?s wearing only a fig leaf."
"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," Said the priest.
The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where the bathroom is located. After a short while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perplexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"
"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?"
"No thanks you, but, I'm still puzzled," said the priest.
"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked woman statue, the bar lights go off. Now, what do you say to that drink?"


The smart way to catch Burglars

It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.
He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.
Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.
"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."
Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.
One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"
"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.


The Wild Old Man

An old man shopping at a department store for a gift for his wife was intent on watching a teenage girl who was going through the sale racks. The teenage girl had a Mohawk dyed in various colors: pink, purple, green, and yellow. The old man kept staring at her.
Irritated by his staring the teenage girl finally broke down and sneered, "What's the matter, old dude? I bet you haven't tried anything wild in your whole life, have you?"
The old man did not miss a beat when he replied, "I was drunk one time and was with a Macaw. I was just curious if you were related!"


The smart way to catch Burglars

It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.
He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.
Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.
"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."
Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.
One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"
"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.


Babies have big appetites

Mum comes home with the new born baby from hospital. As she breast feeds the little baby, her 5 year old son Roger joins her and looks at the baby and than at her with big wide eyes.
Mum smiles at his curiosity. Hesitantly little Roger asks: "Does the baby always have to eat the whole lump?"


The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"
A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.
(Thanks Tae)

The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"
A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.
(Thanks Tae)

The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"
A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.
(Thanks Tae)

The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"
A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.
(Thanks Tae)

The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"
A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.
(Thanks Tae)

The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"
A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.
(Thanks Tae)

Sam's Mom's Best Arrests

We're taking a moment to highlight Sam's mom's most infamous run-ins with the law. Friends, be thankful this isn't your mom! Check out the map of all the cities she was arrested in and then scroll down to see the very best of Pam's arrests.
Location: Lubbock, Texas
Citation: Riding a bull after hours. Apparently you can only ride bulls in Lubbock, Texas from the hours of 9AM to 3PM. Pam said she thought the bull was a park bench. The police didn't buy it. 
Location: Los Angeles, California
Citation: Attempting to steal the "H" in the Hollywood sign. She was dared to do it by her boyfriend of 3 days. And Pam never turns down a dare... especially from guys she's serious about. 
Location: Orlando, Florida
Citation: Walking around Dingo World in her bikini. She said she could have afforded to wear clothes if the price of admission wasn't so high. 
Location: New Orleans, Louisiana 
Citation: Insulting jazz. It would be one thing if she just told the band they were suckish. Instead, she threw a beignet at the saxophonist. 
Location: Somewhere in Idaho
Citation: Illegal french fry manufacturing. She was serving french fries with illegal amounts of trans fats in them. She said they were "dangerously good." The police agreed.


BAD FOOD BREAKUPS

Hi, my name is Gibby. Welcome to my blog. 
So… have you seen our new iSnaps gallery yet? The one called Bad Food Breakups? If not, CLICK HERE TO SEE THE PICS! Do it now, then come back here after you've checked 'em out! 
Oh, you're back. Wow, that was fast. Uh... hi, my name is Gibby. Welcome to my blog. (Shoot, I already said that.)
Well, anyway, now that you've seen our pics, it's your turn to get in on the fun. All you have to do is print out some Food Faces and make Food Friends of your own! Then take pics and send them to us! You can dress up whatever kind of food you want and we'll put the best ones on iCarly.com!


Penny Tee Generator


Wanna find out what YOUR Penny Tee saying would be? Just take a look at our iCarly Penny Tee Generator!
Here's how it works: Take the first letter of you first name and the first letter of your last name. Find the words that match those letters and BAM! You've got your random saying!
My name is Sam Puckett so my Penny Tee saying would be: Spicy Pants!
Cool! Now go find yours!


Chip Vs. Chuck

Hi it's me Spencer and I'm currently typing this blog from my hiding spot in a super-secret location.
There's this maniac little kid out to get me and his name is Chip. You may have heard of his equally-crazy older brother Chuck. You know, that dude who locked me in the basement and sprayed fluid at me.
Anyway, because I'm really bored in my super-secret location, I decided to rank these two little psychopaths and see which is worse.
Chip Vs. Chuck 

Height - Winner: Chip
Although Chuck's bigger, Chip's smaller stature gives him an advantage. He can hide inside objects and attack at random with his ninja-like stealth.
Originality - Winner: Chuck 
Chuck is the one who started this rivalry in the first place. Without his horrible influence, Chip might have grown up to be a pretty sweet kid. Highly unlikely though.
IQ - Winner: Chip 
Since Chuck actually thought Derf was a real number that was recently invented, Chip wins this round by default.
Battle Skills - Tie Score
While Chuck is more fond of psychological torture, Chip is the more aggressive. In fact I---
Oh no! There's someone at door. I hope it isn't Chip. Please someone come and rescue me!!! I'm locked in my bathroom. Come at once!!! (But please knock first. I'll need to put on a towel.)
The first time I met my girlfriend, I made her laugh and heard a loud but distinct squeak. When I asked her “Did you just squeak?” she smiled and said “I squeak when I laugh…” I was about to say that I thought it was cute, when she added “Loudly, and like a balloon.” with a big grin on her face. Which is how she found out that I snort when I laugh. My roommate tries to get both of us laughing so he can direct the symphony of silly noises.

I used to work at a supermarket during school holidays. There was a time when we were having regular power outs for a few weeks. One day during my morning shift, my friend jokingly said that she wished that the power would cut out again so we could get an early break. Not five minutes later, the power did go out. My friend and I stared at each other, while the shift manager pointed accusingly at my friend and said, “Look at what you’ve done.” 






The classics department at my college decided to host a field trip to the MFA in Boston. On the ride back, the professor for my bus decided to put The Princess Bride in for our movie. She was telling the students on the bus “I expect you all to pay attention and be able to quote this movie word for word!” One of the seniors turned her head and said loudly, “As you wish, Professor!” The entire bus started laughing.





Back in the days a female colleague was constantly complaining about the bad weather. For me, bad weather is good. One day she realized that for days it was always sunny when we were at the office, but nearly immediately switched to rainy when I was about to go home. She thus started blaming me. I said that it wasn’t windy enough for me. Two days later a small tornado hit the harbor 200 feet from my flat. She never stopped believing that my wishes influence the weather. 

Catch a rabbit



The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Letter to God - funny story 
One day boy wanted One hundred dollars terribly. He prayed for more than week but no interesting thing happened.
He then made a decision to create God a letter asking a One hundred dollar. Once the postal authority of USA realized that someone has addressed his letter to God, they
decided to send it to President Bush.


The President amazed as well as interested and he
instructed his admin to send the little child a $5.00 money voucher.
President Bush thought this could appear to be a lot of cash with a
little boy.The small boy was thrilled using the $5.00 and sitting into create any
Letter to god
thanks take notice in order to be able for you to help God, which examine:

Beloved God,
Thanks to you regarding delivering the money, however, I seen
which for whatever reason you had to deliver it by means of California D.C.
and also, as usual, individuals thieves subtracted $95.00.