Curiosity gets the Priest

A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar. The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off, the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.

The priest walks over to the bartender and asks, "Can you please tell me where your bathroom is?"

"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a statue of a naked woman in it and she?s wearing only a fig leaf."

"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," Said the priest.

The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where the bathroom is located. After a short while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perplexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"

"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?"

"No thanks you, but, I'm still puzzled," said the priest.

"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked woman statue, the bar lights go off. Now, what do you say to that drink?"

The smart way to catch Burglars

It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.

He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.

Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.

"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."

Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.

One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"

"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.

The Wild Old Man

An old man shopping at a department store for a gift for his wife was intent on watching a teenage girl who was going through the sale racks. The teenage girl had a Mohawk dyed in various colors: pink, purple, green, and yellow. The old man kept staring at her.

Irritated by his staring the teenage girl finally broke down and sneered, "What's the matter, old dude? I bet you haven't tried anything wild in your whole life, have you?"

The old man did not miss a beat when he replied, "I was drunk one time and was with a Macaw. I was just curious if you were related!"

The smart way to catch Burglars

It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.

He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.

Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.

"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."

Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.

One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"

"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.

Babies have big appetites

Mum comes home with the new born baby from hospital. As she breast feeds the little baby, her 5 year old son Roger joins her and looks at the baby and than at her with big wide eyes.
Mum smiles at his curiosity. Hesitantly little Roger asks: "Does the baby always have to eat the whole lump?"

The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"

A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.

(Thanks Tae)

The College Rules

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"

A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.

(Thanks Tae)